Pardon me if I just ramble for a bit. I have a ton of things on my mind. So none of this may make sense or all of it may completely click together. Since Emily has been born and actually right before she was born, I have felt a need/deep desire to change somethings in my life. I am a Christian. I am trying to be the best I can be according to what the Lord wants me to be, but somewhere along the way, I have lost sight of what that really means. I have struggled with breastfeeding Emily. That is something I have desperately wanted to do for years. I have never been successful at breastfeeding a baby since my first daughter 12 years ago. I have been full of emotions lately. Back and forth between elation and depression. I have been terrified of my future. It is so easy to sit and say God is in control. As I sit here and think on that, I realize that I have been trying to be in control for too long. I say that I trust God in all areas of my life. I say I trust Him with our finances, yet I constantly worry. I say I trust Him with our fertility, yet I am DEATHLY afraid to become pregnant again too soon. I find that I don't pray near as much as I should and that I am always fighting a battle with my bad attitude towards my kids, my mom and sometimes my husband. I feel like I need a change. In order to be who I know that the Lord is calling me to be, it will require alot Lord. I must do whatever I have to do to honor my husband and his wishes knowing that when I do that I am honoring my heavenly Father. I must use and master the art of self control. I have to learn to be content in my circumstances and be greatful for what I have. I have sooooo much to be thankful for. I have 5 beautiful, healthy children. I have a mother, who although we are like night and day in our beliefs, loves me and her grandchildren enough to sell her home of 55 years, and buy US a home to live in debt free! All she asks is that she can be here until she passes away. I have a husband who is more forgiving than you all will ever knows, and although he doesn't always verbally smother me in praises, or doesn't always do what I think he should, but he loves me like no other ever could or would. We have been through so many valleys and rough patches. The roughest of all was almost 2 years ago, in November of 2008. I will not elaborate, but we nearly divorced. But the Lord graciously (sp?) stepped in and rescued our marriage and our family. I have been on a life changing journey since November 2007. But I never really comitted myself 100% to following the Lord's lead until March 2009. I must sit down and recommit myself again to following what I know needs to be done. I must organize my life, my home, and make myself a realistic daily schedule. I must do it, not just talk about it. I know the things that I need to learn to do, such as sewing, and I must sit down and dedicate myself to learning how to do them. I need to be more resourceful with our finances. I am also going to dedicate myself to healthier, made from scratch cooking. I am fortunate to be on a message board www.cmomb.com (CHECK IT OUT) that is full of Titus 2 and Proverbs 31 women who are encouraging, honest and loving. And they strive to follow the Lord and do what they are
suposed to do according to God's will for their lives. It is a great source of tips and encouragment to seek out the Lord. And on how to live debt free, frugal and how to accept all the Lord's blessings into our lives whether they be children or other things. So I am going to use this blog as an outlet from now on to record what the Lord is really doing in my life as I commit myself to changing these areas that are in desperate need of change. I will still chat about my daily life, but more inportantly, I want to be an encouragment to other women who are also on this journey. Please pray for us as a family. Please pray for me as a daughter of the King, a wife, a helpmeet , a mother , and a person in general. Pray for us as we start to plan our upcoming homeschool year and schedule. Pray for my husband to be encouraged and inspired and greatly delighted with the changes I am making. I want to close by saying thank you in advance for the prayers and thoughts. I pray that I can make someones day a little brighter when I post and that the Lord will use this blog to be an outreach to women who are in need of encouragment or change. Be blessed my friends...