Sunday, June 27, 2010

Im Still Here....

Yes... Im still here. I haven't posted this week because honestly it has been a horrible week. A dear friend of mine and Cameron's took his own life on June 21. He was only 29 years old and probably one of the smartest people I know. He could quote scripture like no one else that I know, yet his life had taken some horrible and very unfortunate turns that to him, left him in a hopeless position in life. He told his mom that he had complete peace with the decision he made to take his own life. He said that he was going to Heaven to be in peace. Oh how I pray that this is true for him. His name was Justin and his moms name is Tina. Please pray for her.
As far as everything else goes, my week has not been good. Cameron and I have kind of been at odds this week. My mind does not seem to be where it needs to be. I have felt so bad this past week. I want me and Cameron to be able to get back to where we were. My attitude has left us rather at odds. I need to dust off my copy of "Created to be His Helpmeet" and read it again for like the hundreth time! I love that book. Well I guess I am gonna go for now, and try to get me and Emily ready for bed. God bless!

Blessings~
Maudie

Monday, June 21, 2010

Changes.....

Pardon me if I just ramble for a bit. I have a ton of things on my mind. So none of this may make sense or all of it may completely click together. Since Emily has been born and actually right before she was born, I have felt a need/deep desire to change somethings in my life. I am a Christian. I am trying to be the best I can be according to what the Lord wants me to be, but somewhere along the way, I have lost sight of what that really means. I have struggled with breastfeeding Emily. That is something I have desperately wanted to do for years. I have never been successful at breastfeeding a baby since my first daughter 12 years ago. I have been full of emotions lately. Back and forth between elation and depression. I have been terrified of my future. It is so easy to sit and say God is in control. As I sit here and think on that, I realize that I have been trying to be in control for too long. I say that I trust God in all areas of my life. I say I trust Him with our finances, yet I constantly worry. I say I trust Him with our fertility, yet I am DEATHLY afraid to become pregnant again too soon. I find that I don't pray near as much as I should and that I am always fighting a battle with my bad attitude towards my kids, my mom and sometimes my husband. I feel like I need a change. In order to be who I know that the Lord is calling me to be, it will require alot Lord. I must do whatever I have to do to honor my husband and his wishes knowing that when I do that I am honoring my heavenly Father. I must use and master the art of self control. I have to learn to be content in my circumstances and be greatful for what I have. I have sooooo much to be thankful for. I have 5 beautiful, healthy children. I have a mother, who although we are like night and day in our beliefs, loves me and her grandchildren enough to sell her home of 55 years, and buy US a home to live in debt free! All she asks is that she can be here until she passes away. I have a husband who is more forgiving than you all will ever knows, and although he doesn't always verbally smother me in praises, or doesn't always do what I think he should, but he loves me like no other ever could or would. We have been through so many valleys and rough patches. The roughest of all was almost 2 years ago, in November of 2008. I will not elaborate, but we nearly divorced. But the Lord graciously (sp?) stepped in and rescued our marriage and our family. I have been on a life changing journey since November 2007. But I never really comitted myself 100% to following the Lord's lead until March 2009. I must sit down and recommit myself again to following what I know needs to be done. I must organize my life, my home, and make myself a realistic daily schedule. I must do it, not just talk about it. I know the things that I need to learn to do, such as sewing, and I must sit down and dedicate myself to learning how to do them. I need to be more resourceful with our finances. I am also going to dedicate myself to healthier, made from scratch cooking. I am fortunate to be on a message board www.cmomb.com (CHECK IT OUT) that is full of Titus 2 and Proverbs 31 women who are encouraging, honest and loving. And they strive to follow the Lord and do what they are
suposed to do according to God's will for their lives. It is a great source of tips and encouragment to seek out the Lord. And on how to live debt free, frugal and how to accept all the Lord's blessings into our lives whether they be children or other things. So I am going to use this blog as an outlet from now on to record what the Lord is really doing in my life as I commit myself to changing these areas that are in desperate need of change. I will still chat about my daily life, but more inportantly, I want to be an encouragment to other women who are also on this journey. Please pray for us as a family. Please pray for me as a daughter of the King, a wife, a helpmeet , a mother , and a person in general. Pray for us as we start to plan our upcoming homeschool year and schedule. Pray for my husband to be encouraged and inspired and greatly delighted with the changes I am making. I want to close by saying thank you in advance for the prayers and thoughts. I pray that I can make someones day a little brighter when I post and that the Lord will use this blog to be an outreach to women who are in need of encouragment or change. Be blessed my friends...

Blessings~
Maudie

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Back to Reality.....

Tomorrow is going to be my official "Back to Reality" day. I am itching to get back into a routine of some sort and I am praying for an easy transition. The kids have been rather wild for 2 months or so now because at the end of my pregnancy with Emily, I was exhausted to say the least. My house is now pretty overcome with mess and I have been on the couch with Emily since we came home from the hospital last week. I woke up this morning with a horrible backache that radiates through my shoulder blades and into my chest. Emily slept well last night( actually she slept from 1 am or so until 8 am) but James slept on the loveseat. He slept on the loveseat until he decided to join me and Emily on the couch. Keep in mind, I am 5'7, with a 20 inch newborn, and a 6 year old little boy, who isn't short by any means; Imagine trying to get a good nights sleep in that situation :-). NOT going to happen. James was suffering from a sore throat, so since he has been my baby for 6 years, I still had to coddle him instead of letting my beloved take him to bed with him. Which, yes, that would have been more comfortable. We have a king size bed and James and Cameron can both sleep well on it. But my motherly instincts kick in anytime any of my kids are sick, no matter how old they are. So I am tired today. I am hoping to be back in my bed tonight. I am setting up Emily's playpen beside my bed and I am going to slink back into my comfortable sleeping spot next to my beloved. Speaking of sleeping, my Emily is waking up, so I've gotta go.

Blessings~
Maudie

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Announcing...


Miss Emily Jordyn Smith....
Emily was born Tuesday,, June 8th at 10:26 am. She was 19 1/2 inches long and 6 lbs. 9 oz. And we are COMPETELY smitten by her. She is beautiful and an amazing baby. She is so calm and so sweet. She is the best baby we have ever had. She rarely crys and she is so tiny. We are truly blessed to have her. I did have a repeat c-section rather than trying to vbac. My blood pressure was high and I had been contracting for days with no progress. The birth was great. It was my best section yet. The nurses were amazed with me. I only stayed 2 days. We went home Thursday afternoon. My recovery at home has been a little different. I am hurting really bad on my right side from my lower back down to my hip and leg. I think it has something to do with the epidural. It was horrible. I have decided that I will have a spinal for any future births. My doctor also said that my scar tissue was basically non existent but that my uterus was thin. She said that it would have been a disatster had we went ahead with the vbac. We were not at peace with that and I am thankfully that we followed what the Lord was telling us to do. I am breastfeeding and it is going pretty good. I am just trying to relax and enjoy my new baby blessing. I will go for now, but I will be posting as much as I can. God bless!
Blessings~
Maudie

Monday, June 7, 2010

Tomorrow is My Big Day~

Tomorrow morning at 8 am I am scheduled to meet my doctor at L&D for the birth of our baby girl, Emily Jordyn. Please pray for a safe delivery resulting in a healthy baby and a healthy moma! I will update when I get back from the hospital, unless I can get my laptop online at the hospital! God bless.

Blessings~
Maudie

Still Here...

Im still here! I guess I will call my doctor this morning and see if I can come in. I am miserable and in pain. I did get some things on my to do list done yesterday :-) That is a plus. I am pleased with what all I achieved yesterday with the help of my beloved of course. Well I am going to go for now. I will update later when I know more. God bless!

Blessings~
Maudie

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Random Thoughts...

Well it is a Sunday morning and I am enjoying a little alone time before anyone wakes up. I love to do this. It is one of my most cherished activitys. Sitting alone and just listening to silence. Actually the sound I am hearing is the quite tapping of my fingers on the keys of the computer keyboard. I have many thoughts on my mind this morning and so I am going to just randomly throw them out there. First of all is struggling. I don't know if its being pregnant or just the devil, but I am finding myself really struggling in a couple of areas. We are modest dressing. We wear dresses and skirts only and have been this way for well over a year, really almost 2. All of a sudden I am struggling with that area. I sometimes wonder are my girls missing out because we can't just go buy them whatever at the mall and send them on their way. It is really hard to find clothing that meets our standards. I don't know how to sew and if I did , it would probably be easier to put them in modest clothing. I am praying about that area in my life and my girls. I feel so alone and isolated sometimes. It is soooo hard to be different and to make that choice to remain different especially with no outside support. My mother lives with us and she thinks we are crazy and that the kids are missing out on a ton of things. Then there is that issue. With Cameron working again we could technically give my mom this house and move back out alone. Of course that would leave my mother alone and she is 75 and not in the best of shape. I feel so torn between my family and the family I had as a child.My mother sees things much differently than we do and mother also trys to push those views on our kids. She has her favorite which is my oldest daughter, and no matter what she does no wrong. I can not stand that. Cameron's mother is very much the same way. She is taken with our second daughter and thinks that she is a saint. This makes for a very uncomfortable situation. Cameron's mother thinks we are crazy all the way around and thinks that we are ruining our childrens lives. She despises every choice we make and although she has come around somewhat to the idea that we are having another baby, hence she will be a nana x 5, she still makes extremely rude and out of the way comments about us, the other kids and our choices. She isn't proud of Cameron's job and thinks he should be making more money. He will be making plenty of it for our liking, thank you very much. And she doesn't respect anything we say in regards to the kids. She takes them off and dresses them in ways we don't approve of and then she ask them to lie about it. Of course they come straight in and tell us. It is extremely hard to deal with all this at times. And then back to my mother (who lives with us) I am very thankful for her and what she has done, but we are night and day, oil and water. And it is becoming more and more difficult as the days go by. I want to enjoy my relationship with my mother, because I realize that she is not a young lady and that her health is not wonderful, but where do you draw the line between adult parent/child relationship and the one you had before, especially when your lifestyle has changed dramatically? We are so different and it seems that she does try to press my buttons. Whether it be a smart comment to me or a put down about my beloved. Or a long conversation with her precious(evil) chihuhua( sp?) . It bothers me a bunch. I am praying about all this and many other issues. I am planning on a major revamp of several things once Emily is born. I have to get my self together and get back on track for my kids sake and my own sake. Speaking of birth.... I am having contractions this morning which is a good sign, so I am fixen to get up, get moving and hope that maybe a little baby isn't to far away from making her grand entrance. We are sooooo excited to meet our precious Emily!

Blessings~
Maudie
P.S: I am going to be changing my blog background, so bear with me if it looks a little wierd for awhile.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Finally.... an Update

Finally, I can update. Our internet was turned back on 2 days ago and my beloved got me a new laptop computer and it was delivered yesterday. I will quickly try to fill in the details of the last few months of our life. Where shall I start??? First, I guess I can start with Cameron's job situation. He has remained unemployed this whole time until Wednesday. When we first got married Cameron got a job at a local company and was there for 6 years. They clean industry filters. It was a very good job, but after 6 years, Cameron left to pursue a new career. Well since then we have floundered with him working for himself, Directv and the local cable company. We have always kept in close contact with our friends from this place and earlier in the year Cameron and I mentioned that if they were ever hiring again, to please let him know. So last Friday, our friend called and said that there is a postion available in the lab. The lab is the only part of the shop that operates on a Monday- Friday, regular day shift. The standard is 8 hours a day with overtime, which we are very thankful for. Even with overtime, Cameron gets off no later than 3:30 or 4:30. He may have to go in a little earlier than his standard 6 am, but we have no problem with that. Anyways when went out there on Tuesday, the man in charge of hiring wasn't back from Memorial day vacation, so they took Cameron's number and said that they would call him Tuesday. And sure enough they did. He went took his drugscreen, watched his pre-employment safety courses and viola... He started work on a very reasonable pay rate,( PTL!!!!) on Thursday. This has been a direct answer to my prayers. I prayed that Cameron would get a good job with family friendly hours and good benefits, by the time that Emily was born. Well God literally answered that prayer exactly as I had asked. Emily is due anytime now. In fact, my doctor sais I would have Emily by next Friday for sure. Now onto Miss Emily and her upcoming arrival :-) That is definatley the highlight of my life at the moment. We have went back and forth as to whether to vbac or have a scheduled c section. We switched Ob/Gyns and are much better satisfied with my new doctor. She is sweet and listens to me. I have had some pre labor, and false labor, but so far, no baby. My pregnancy has been great. No medical complications, although I have delt with alot of emotional issues this last 2 months. Probably since about 32 weeks or so. I am so ready to meet my little baby. I thought that I was in labor yesterday and so I called thw doctor and she instructed me to go straight to labor and delivery, so I did. After an hour or 2 up there, she said that I was on my way to deliver her and that she figured I would go into labor this weekend. I opted to come back home and I have been waiting it out. I am not in near as much pain as I was last night, but I am just as annoyed as I have been. My patience has been HORRIBLE with this pregnancy. Everything gets on my nerves. The sound of the kids chewing, my mother slurping her morning coffee and several other things that I won't menton. Anyways..... All that said, I pray that I will go into full fledged labor today and that I can get this show on the road. With that 2 of my daughters are up and already argueing so I will go for now. But I will definately be updating. God bless!!!!!

Maudie ~

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Im Back!!!!

I wanted to say that I am back and have alot to tell :-) I will post a long post in the morning. God bless :-)

Maudie