Thoughts to Ponder~ a jumbled mess~

I've had many things on my mind lately and I have decided after much thought and prayer that this is a good place to share those things. I know I don't have a super popular blog that tons of people read, but the whole reason I set out to blog years ago was to keep memories and to hopefully inspire a few people along the way. Not to make money or have a ton of followers. I have not posted as frequently as I would have like to, but I really want to try to make a point to post atleast once a week from here on out. In real life, I have very few friends. I can credit the internet to my closest friend in real life and my other friends are all online, although I hope to meet some of them someday. I look at blogs and sometimes feel insecure in my own life. I think to myself, that my life isn't as "perfect" as some of those other ladies. I have struggles daily and live a very real life. My children are not cookie cutter kiddos lined up with fake smiles and perfectly styled hair. My home is clean, but I'm often still insecure of my homes condition if visitors stop by. I am blessed to have a husband that I love more than life itself and I still feel those lovey feelings for him quite often. He makes me happy ( on most days) and quite irritated (on most days) but always at the end of the day I am so thankful to have him by my side as my beloved. He encourages me to be better than I am , and has the faith in me that I DON'T have. He loves me despite so many things that I need to improve on. And he has forgiven me time and time again when I would have walked off and just stewed over my anger. The Lord has blessed us with 7 children here and 3 little ones already gone before us. I have had lived like the world and in fact for the world for more years than not. We have went through the mainstream American dream and found it to be more of a nightmare than a dream. I cut off blessings from the Lord at one point in regards to children, and so did my husband. I am amazed that the Lord choose to honor us with atleast 4 more children so far since our reversals. I have friends who are loving parents and have such a difficult time conceiving and carrying babies. I look at myself and feel so unworthy for the blessings the Lord gives us and wonder why that these wonderful families I know, have such a hard time. My heart aches for them. We have been on a crazy, good, roller coaster ride the last few years. Our lives have changed so dramatically over the last 5 years. I know these things are physical signs of our faith, but yet they are very important signs to us. If you would have told me 15 years ago at the tender age of 17 that I would be married to that wild, tall, stranger I met( in the middle of a busy highway for goodness sakes!) , and that I would be the stay at home, homeschooling, headcovering, very modest dressing, helpmeet to my husband, mother of 7 children ( so far), woman that I am today.... I would have probably slapped you. Literally! As our lives have changed so have our values. Our goals have also changed. We used to be so driven by the world. I used to feel like I had to have the latest and the greatest and a new car every year. Oh yeah and I forgot to add that the preppy, snobby teenager I was, that drove the new white Eclipse, would have never even wanted to ride in a 15 passenger van, much less have that as her only vehicle! My oh my!!! What a wreck I was. I look back at all the opportunities missed over the years. All the time wasted on my selfish desires... Thank you Lord for delivering me from that mess. I am learning and growing everyday. Our lives are on another turn as I speak. We finally found a church home, we finally decided to step out and sell our home, move to the country and be free from all the day to day slavery that we are bound to here. We are breaking free from worrying about what so and so will think of us and doing what we know God has called us to do, no matter what the world thinks of it. Yes, we are different, but shouldn't we be? Why should we strive to be like the world that has forsaken Jesus Christ? We should live in such a way that the world desires to follow Christ. We should be an example in all ways to the world. If we look and act like the world then people will assume we are like the world. I know this post is jumbled but I have so many things that are on my mind and I have been discussing it over with Cameron the last few days. He and I are finally taking steps to make the right moves for our family. We are responsible to the Lord for how we raise them. And I know that I have made many mistakes. I am praying I can correct those mistakes. If you have read all this, thank you; if you have just scanned it, thank you. From now on my goal is to touch as many people for Christ through this blog and my life. And I pray that through my jumbled post you can see my heart. I am going to be posting about our lives and the things the Lord lays on my heart. Blessings to you all dear friends~

Love in Christ~
Maudie